In support of Mons Peppas

Most of you by now would have read about the recent controversy regarding our own Monsignor Peppas and the lectures that he gave to the St. Coprophagus Society last week. While I had set out an extract from one of those lectures in a previous post (regarding it as an excellent example of theology and the law), the part of his speech that the media has latched onto is the later part of the Parable Of The Arseflower and the moral lesson that he draws from it:

"...and returning back to his house, soused in Marricksville booze, we noticed a few stray alley cats in his back yard. Entering we saw that four or five more cats had made their way into the house and had found our friend Cassie the Hoor. They were hungrily devouring the fleshy crater of her busted stink pipes, their little whiskers painted wet with her bloody-brown filth. The Hoor, with her wrists and ankles still well handcuffed to the mast of the bed, seemed to be floating in and out of consciousness, occasionally cursing the cats in whispered breath. Now my companion was a man of god and he was deeply offended by this sacrilege. Rolling up his sleeves, he chased away the cats grazing on her exploded rim and was about to put his arm into her bloated stomach to retrieve the remaining cat mewing deep inside. But I stopped him:

"Young man, tonight you have shown me that you know much and yet it seems you still know nothing. For I sayeth, whose fault is it when the raw, uncovered meat of the arseflower is left out for the cats to eat? The cats? They do not know any better. Truthfully, the only sinner here is the Hoor herself. Now let that last puss remain in her small intestine, scratching, as it is, its way up through her stomach. When her bowels have been consumed, then so too have her sins."

The popular press have taken this and unfairly labelled Monsignor intolerant of rectal horticulturalists, among other minority groups. They say his views are inconsistent with the diverse, multicultural society we live in, and that he is not fit to represent the Australian Chapter of the Greek Orthodox Church.

How untrue and outrageous are these remarks! Anyone who knows the Mons Peppas (as I have for almost 10 years now) will tell you that he is the most pious disciple of the gutte rose. No less than twice a day does he visit the Darlinghurst Grotto to make meaty ritual there.

Mons, we are behind you old boy.